Trump Weight: How The White House Is Expanding My Waistline

by Joe Fuld (He/Him)

Trump Weight

How to Lose Your Trump Weight

Donald Trump has created a lot of turmoil in this country, especially when it comes to my waistline. Call it my Trump body or Trump weight, but since the election, I have gained ten pounds and it sucks.

Trump depression, as I have written about in the past, is a real thing. The Trump win has exacerbated bad habits, including stress drinking and eating. Yes, I blame my expanding waistline on Trump, but I know both Republicans and Democrats who have become increasingly stressed this year.

To me, food became a crutch, but I am doing something about it. I read the book Why We Get Fat cover to cover and have started exercising every day. Good news! I am losing my Trump weight.

So I have cut out bread, rice, pasta, and fried foods. But for me, dessert is my biggest weakness — a friend once said I was dessert's bitch. So my goal is to give up dessert in the name of Trump. I have also decided to rename the things I want to cut out of my diet as parts of the Trump administration.

  • Flour = Price
  • Potatoes = Kushner
  • Rice = Ivanka
  • Sugar = Bannon
  • Dessert = Trump 

You get the picture.

I am working hard to use Trump as a factor to remove the Kushner, Ivanka, and Bannon from my diet. So far I have lost 5 lbs. Like the Trump administration, I lost my Scaramucci quickly. Losing that last 5 lbs. has been harder but I am determined to lose it, one day and pound at a time.

There are cheat days when things get bad and Trump announces something crazy, usually on Friday night. I just try to hang on and not eat a whole pint of ice cream or a whole sheet cake. How do I take control? Holding myself accountable and watching a little less MSNBC have helped, but it will be a long 4 years and we all just need to stick with it and make sure to take care of ourselves.

Do you have a story on how you are fighting your Trump weight? Drop us a note.